afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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