$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
