I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
