I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
