Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
