I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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