Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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