I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
