You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
