I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
