Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Congratulations! We have a period
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
