Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
