His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize