i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
