I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
