My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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