I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
