What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
