I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
