her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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