i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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