Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
