Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize