just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
