I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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