it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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