no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
