i wish starbucks made bloody marys
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My feet surprised me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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