I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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