I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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