I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
