The maid of honor just puked.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
