let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
