maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
