your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
