it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
