I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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