Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
