my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
