tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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