my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
