Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
