It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You dont lie about slip and slides
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
