Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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