look no pants
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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