I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
