Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
