Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
