And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your cock deserves a montage
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
