we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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