I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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