How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
