I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
