Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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