Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
