you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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