So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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