But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
