Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
