WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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