oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
