Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
