Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
