it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
do herpes really smell.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
