My room smells like vodka and shame
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
