matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
